I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
