Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
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