K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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