Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.

(1-603): View more from New Hampshire

The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.

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(812): View more from Indiana

At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.

(1-812): View more from Indiana

Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).

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(630): View more from Illinois

I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again

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(720): View more from Colorado

My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future

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(661): View more from California

‎"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.

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