oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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