i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Randomize
