yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
