she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
