I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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