Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
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