RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
