I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
