there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
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