can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
