so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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