I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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