So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
