2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
