Plan B is the new Plan A
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Randomize
