Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
