Screwed.edu
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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