i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
