I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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