living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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