I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
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