Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Why did my mother make you get naked?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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