she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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