I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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