Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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