Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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