I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Randomize
