What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
