so let's talk penis.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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