Can Purell be used as lube?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
