I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I need to wash the frat house off of me
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize