no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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