I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
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