probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
