I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
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