Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
