those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Randomize
