you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
