The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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