i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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