his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
