Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The beers last night were like the tears from god
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
