Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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