that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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