We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
