Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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