I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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