Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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